The God of Lost Things
by TheArchimage
Summary: With a certain nosy third party out of the way, Kris and Ralsei finally get to share a brief moment.


The jail cell reeks of mold and rust. The steady drip, drip, drip of water from somewhere else is the only sound I can hear. I do not hear screaming or the sounds of battle, so I can only assume either Susie has not yet run into resistance or has gotten so far away I can no longer hear her carnage.

Ralsei asks, "Kris? Are you worried about Susie?"

My head shakes without my conscious effort. The truth is, I'm deeply worried about her. Not physically, if anyone or anything tries to mess with her she'll stomp them flat. Ralsei and I have been warning people about her, and I imagine the warning must have made it all the way to the castle by now. I'm fairly confident people will stay out of her way. But I've seen another side of her too, a side that isn't reflexively dismissive of everyone. She was starting to open up to Lancer, but he ran off the moment he heard we were going to fight his dad. Immediately the entire castle knew we were coming. If she hasn't figured out he betrayed us, she will soon, and I honestly don't know if her heart can take that.

"Well, regardless of how you feel…" He stood up straight. "I don't think it would hurt to take a moment. Close your eyes, and think about what she's doing now…"

And just like that, you're gone. I collapse to the ground, my legs folding up under me. I have been a backseat passenger for so long that I don't remember how my own body works for a moment. It's like 'breathing manually' but for everything at once. I have to put a hand to my chest to make sure my heart is still beating. I take in gulps of air in between spitting out the clumps of moss in between my teeth. I don't care that the air is musty or that my throat is dry, it's my air, me doing the breathing, and that makes it indescribably sweet

Ralsei wrings his paws together, as if afraid to approach me. "You… you're you," he says finally. "The real you." I recoil from him, putting my back against the jail cell wall. Ralsei knew? He could tell, the whole time, that I wasn't… myself? He nods as if he can telepathically hear my questions. "I don't think anyone else can. But… I've been waiting for you a long time. I only exist for you. So of course I would notice right away." He steps forward and seems heartened when I don't argue or try to push him away. "Do you know what I am?"

This world… it has strange powers, does strange things to the people and objects in it. My pencil became a sword, sticky notes become armor, and the whole way through this realm we've been accosted by playing cards and stuffed animals and game pieces. So how could I not know what Ralsei is? I put the fingers of both hands up to my head like a devil's horns.

He nods sadly. "I wasn't in that closet, you know. I'm somewhere else in your town, I don't know where. I don't think… it, the one controlling you, knows yet. I don't think it's figured anything out. That's why I made it go away. I… get the feeling, it shouldn't learn like this. With me just telling it everything. It needs to figure everything out for itself or there won't be any meaning. A-and… I wanted to meet the real you. Just once, even if only for a little while." He buries his muzzle deeper into his scarf, approaching me the way a little kid approaches the end of the high-dive board. "Do you… hate me?"

I shake my head furiously. No, I could never hate Ralsei. I of all people could never hate him.

Ralsei breaths out with a relieved laugh, putting a hand to his chest. "Wow, that's… that's great! I was worried I may have been coming on a little strong. Um… what about… it? The one controlling you? Do you think they hate me?"

Oh, if he could only hear how you talk about him. 'Oh, Ralsei's so adorable! He's my son! The power of fluffy boys!' It's almost enough to make me gag, but in this one thing I can't blame you. How could anyone not like Ralsei? Even me, with my shriveled heart and blackened mood can't help but adore Ralsei. That's… sort of his thing. He was meant to be easy to love. Eager to please, eternally self-effacing, unbelievably fluffy, and utterly adorable. Ralsei is the brother Asriel was meant to have. The second child that might have kept Mom and Dad together, before each of their worst impulses magnified to drive the other away. But that wasn't what happened. Instead they got a weird, ugly blood golem who plays mean pranks. Who's quiet at school and never makes friends. Who shuts down and goes through the motions because living is so _hard_, does anyone else even realize how hard it is to live up there? And how much easier it would be if I were like them?

He must notice how my face twitches in disgust. "Do you hate it?"

I wish I had it in me to tell Ralsei how much I hate you. And how much I wished the feeling was mutual. I heard you. 'Kris represents me.' 'Kris is my avatar.' 'I can decide Kris' gender is whatever I want, it's my personal interpretation.' You're just the same as everyone else. You only see what you want to see. You only see what doesn't make you think too hard. I nod, slowly.

Ralsei catches the features on my face and fidgets nervously. "Well, I imagine you aren't… terribly pleased about, uh, being dragged into this. And, it must not be fun, to be facing death. B-but, try not to hate it, okay? I'm not taking its side or anything, just, hear me out! I think you're here for a reason. And… I think it's here for a reason, too. I can't help but feel it's really important that it stays with us. Saving both our worlds might not be possible without it. … So that's why, okay Kris?"

I don't have time to warn him to stop, but he gets the idea from the way my face freezes. You're back. I stand up ramrod straight, a puppet once more. My consciousness recedes into the background. You'll take things from here whether I want you to or not, so I sit back and wait and seethe with hatred. Ralsei can say whatever he wants but I can't forgive you. I won't.


End file.
